«  
  »

Saturday's Apocalypse boosts post-rapture pet care industry

Judgment Day Caravan tries to drive-by convert Bowery heathens 

 

 

Judgment Day Caravan tries to drive-by convert Bowery heathens

Are you going to be raptured to the heavens this Saturday night? If so, what’s your dog going to do Sunday morning without you? Thanks to the very specific doomsday prediction of Harold Camping, the post-rapture service industry has been deluged in advance of the May 21, 2011 Judgment Day, says Bart Centre who runs the leading post-Armageddon pet care company, Eternal Earthbound Pets.  

For one-time fee of $135, heathen volunteers will care for your dog or cat. According to Camping, who also predicted the endtimes for 1994, after Christians are zapped to heaven, the rest of us will suffer five months of plagues and chaos (dogs and cats living together?) for five months until the world really ends on Oct. 21.

Centre started the site in 2009 and, as of yesterday when I talked to him, has 259 pets signed up for post-rapture care, about 30% of them just this year. “We have mostly dogs, a few cats, a cockatoo and a horse in Montana,” he says.

“The emails have been a riot,” he says. “We’ve gotten a lot of offers to branch out to Europe or overseas, but we haven’t even branched out into all the Bible Belt yet.” Most queries, he says, are from Christians and non-believers alike who enjoy a good joke about arbitraging the exact hour of Armageddon.
But some believers are pissed. “They say you just probably want to eat our dogs or you just want to have sex with our dogs. And they threaten us with death and rape, in that order,” Centre says. “There is some hostility you wouldn’t expect from a devout Christian.”
Huckleberry Looks to Heaven

Huckleberry Looks to Heaven

Sharon Moss even set up rival “Christian-operated” site, After the Rapture Pet Care, because she was annoyed that a British woman promoted her post-rapture pet care business “as a joke, and it virally made the rounds amongst non-believers who enjoy making fun of Christians.” She also contracts with atheists, who are the Shabbos Goy of the post-rapture industry.  Others have created services to email left behind loved ones, urging conversion.

But maybe 5% of his calls and emails are from believers who have worried about their pets. For those, Centre promises to vet the volunteers’ criminal and credit records and attest that they are willing to commit blasphemy, so there’s no chance they’ll just get raptured, too. Centre splits the $135, 10-year contract fee with them–some goes to local NH and MN food banks, too. They’re not con men; they just don’t believe Armageddon is coming Saturday night.

Centre himself has two dogs, seven-year-old pit bull and a 12-week-old English Setter puppy rescued down south (albeit not from anyone who was whisked to heaven). If the world doesn’t end Saturday, Centre predicts that Camping will just say that either Jesus decided to give non-believers more time “or he’s going to say he miscalculated and forgot to divide by the trinity.” He blamed a math error for his 1994 flub. Either way, there’ll be more expected doomsdays ahead. The next big one is Dec. 21, 2012–the end of the Mayan calendar.

dockdogbassetwaddle Where to SEE DOG EVENTS like basset hound waddles, Halloween parades, dock dogs
NY, NJ, MD, MA, ME, NH, VT, CT, RI, PA SEE ANIMALS IN THE NORTHEAST (NY, NJ, MD, MA, ME, NH, VT, CT, RI, PA)
wildhorsehorsesanctuary Where to SEE WILD HORSES and horse sanctuaries

 

 

 

Related posts:

Share/Save
May 18th, 2011 | Tags: , | Category: disaster, dog, event, horse, Northeast, rescue, uk, weird

On the advice of a right whale, we have closed comments for this post. If you have something really important to say, email us and we'd be delighted to reopen it for you. (The whale is only trying to prevent spam comments.)